Coping With Infertility While TTC: All The Emotions All The Time

Infertility is a major source of stress, both for individual women and for couples, and it’s a much more common problem than many people realize. Defined as the failure to conceive through normal sexual intercourse without contraception over a period of 12 months (or 6 months in women over 35, who may need quicker intervention), female infertility may be caused by pelvic health issues like endometriosis or uterine myomas, certain nutritional deficiencies or dietary issues, and even being significantly over- or underweight. Regardless of the cause, though, many infertile women experience significant psychological distress – but you don’t have to walk this path alone.

If you’re experiencing infertility, cultivating an appropriate set of coping strategies and a supportive community can make a big difference. This looks different for each woman, but many have found these 3 strategies to be effective in managing depression, anxiety, and other challenging feelings surrounding infertility.

Be A Team

One of the most challenging things about infertility is that it can drive couples apart. Women often blame themselves and the entire relationship becomes about conceiving. This is unsustainable and will only serve to harm your relationship. Instead, it’s important not to blame yourself and to approach the conception process as a team. Talk to each other about your feelings, go to appointments together, and look for ways to strengthen your relationship that don’t center fertility. 

Find A Community Of Peers

The last person most women want to talk to when struggling with infertility is their friend who just announced her pregnancy or who is currently tending a fussing infant. This is often too upsetting, no matter how happy you are for your friend – which is why you need a community of women who are also trying to conceive (TTC).

You may be able to find a TTC support group through your doctor, on local message boards, or you can turn to the internet, where you’ll find spaces committed to women who are TTC, where you can share your struggle. In TTC communities, you’ll find women who are currently facing the same challenges, who can offer advice and a shoulder to lean on, even when you can’t find such support in your usual social circles.

Take A Step Back

The TTC process can be expensive, hard on your body, and may put stress on your relationships, and if it’s causing your mental health to suffer, that’s a good reason to step back for a little while. Stop your fertility treatments or give yourself a few months off between different strategies, such as going from IUI to IVF. Stress won’t improve your odds of conceiving, nor will taking a few months away from the process.

In addition to taking a step back from the physical process of trying to conceive, it’s also okay to back away from some of your relationships for the time being. Mute friends posting frequent baby updates on social media or seek out relationships with childless friends for some time until those relationships are easier to cope with. Remember, there are plenty of people supporting and celebrating the new mothers in your social group; if you can’t be there right now, they’ll be just fine.

Depression, panic, and other painful emotions are all normal responses to infertility, but developing a set of coping skills can help you navigate the process, whatever the outcome. You need outlets, whether it’s a hobby, exercise, or just a friend and a cup of tea, to carry you through the ups and downs of trying to conceive.