Being a Birthing Partner – What You Need to Know

Giving birth is one of the most natural and beautiful things but, in the delivery room at the time,  that might not seem to be the case. It is a traumatic and sometimes intimidating experience both physically and emotionally. For the mother to have the right support in the lead up to going into labour and at the birth is very important and this is where the birthing partner comes in. The birth partner will be there to provide emotional and practical support before, during and after the birth.

Choosing a Birthing Partner

Years ago, support for the mother would come from the women of the community whether it was family, friends or neighbours. The fathers were sent away and not allowed back until mother and baby were cleaned up and ready to have visitors. It is only in the last forty years or so that it has become the norm for the father to be present. Now, around 97% of fathers attend their child’s birth and it is natural for them to be the birthing partner.

However, the father is not always willing or able to be there or, in some cases, much use if they are! More expectant mothers now choose to have a woman as a birth partner instead of, or as well as the father. This could be a sister, cousin, close friend or increasingly a same sex partner. Often it is felt that a woman can have more empathy for what the mother is going through.

When a suitable birthing partner can’t be found, an increasing number of women are using a doula who can provide ante- and post-natal support as well as during the birth. They may have had training or not, but most doulas have had their own children.

How a Birth Partner Prepares

As a birthing partner you need to be prepared for what to expect. Even for a woman who has had children, attending a birth is a very different experience. Seeing someone you care for being in pain, discomfort and possibly distress is difficult.

Your preparation should begin well in advance by reading up on the stages of labour. If you haven’t witnessed a birth before, there are many live videos of childbirth available which will give you a realistic idea of the atmosphere in the delivery room. Learn about the type of delivery the mother prefers and the alternatives; home or hospital birth, birthing pool, etc. Make yourself aware of what to do if a complication arises such as if a C-section becomes necessary.

The expectant mother will be advised to make a birth plan which you should then discuss with her. You need to know what she wants with regard to pain relief. If she wants background music or would prefer a quiet environment. Some mothers find constant reassurance and encouragement annoying while others find it comforting, so ask what she prefers. Things don’t always go to plan and should, for example, medical intervention be required she might not be in a position to express her wishes, so you need to know in advance her “plan B”.

In the later stages of the pregnancy you should attend antenatal classes to learn the necessary breathing, massage and relaxation techniques so that you can provide active support during the labour. Join the mother when she has an ultrasound and for consultations with the midwife or doctor. If there is anything you are unsure of or concerned about, ask questions, particularly what might be expected of you if any complications arise.

The better prepared you are, the less chance there is of shocks and surprises.

Be Ready to Go

In the weeks leading up to the due date you need to be in a state of readiness day and night. If the labour begins early you don’t want to find yourself in a sudden panic. Have your phone close at all times and make sure it’s charged. You don’t know how long the labour will last, so have a bag ready with essential items. Having some drinks and snacks ready to go is a good idea. Know where your car keys are and keep the car’s fuel tank topped up. When the time comes, you should be calm and unflustered in order to provide the best support.

What Do You Do?

The mother is going to be nervous, especially if it’s her first child. Your gentle reassurance and encouragement and maintaining eye contact can be a great help in reducing her anxiety. You need to help her with breathing and relaxation methods. Physical contact and massage will help her to cope with the pain of labour. During a long labour you can help her to change position. Make sure she can get a drink.

At times the strength of the contractions can make it difficult for the mother to talk, so you can keep the medical staff informed of her wishes. Also, if a medical procedure becomes necessary, her consent is required. You can help to explain what is needed so that she can make an informed decision.

There will be times that you feel like you are being of no use at all, but be assured that your presence and support will be appreciated.

You have to look after yourself as well. Constant support and the physical effort of massage can be extremely tiring. You can’t be as much help in a difficult labour if you’re exhausted, so take a quick break between contractions to stretch and maybe eat something.

Afterwards

After the baby is born, you will have shared with the mother a special and extremely emotional experience which will have created a bond between you. Being a new mother brings many new challenges and you can be on hand to provide ongoing support through those early months.

If Things Go Wrong

Sadly, things don’t always go to plan and complications can arise during labour. Mother or baby can sustain injuries when medical intervention is needed and often that can’t be helped. However, it could be that the medical staff make a mistake or misdiagnose the situation leading to the injury.

If you think that injury caused to the mother or child was a direct result of the actions of the medical staff it may be possible to claim compensation. Remember the process for claiming birth injury negligence compensation in the UK you can visit Medical Negligence Assist for free advice. For example may vary from that in other countries,  so make sure she contacts a local legal expert who will be familiar with the specific steps that need to be taken in order to start a compensation claim.