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My daughter, aged 13, is a tomboy. She hangs around with boys, loves sports and believes in body building. While other girls of her age fantasize about boys and go out on dates, she has her eyes glued to the sports channel or is busy sweating out. Is this abnormal? Should I coax her into behaving like a proper girl? If yes, how do I go about it? Please help!
 

Kelly Answers: Wow Tina, I don't have a girl so my first thought was that there would be no way that I could answer this question! Then I started to think about the young teenage girls I know and I immediately thought of Caryle. Caryle is the same age as my son (13) and I am quite sure that she could 'lick' my son if she decided to!

She has always been a 'tom boy' and her parents have just embraced her personality and interests. Her parents allowed her to trap snakes and keep them as pets. They allowed her to climb trees, keep chickens (for a season) and they didn't worry when her preferred friends were boys. She chose football for her sport back in the fifth grade, following in the footsteps of her older brother and her father. And it didn't bother Dad one bit! He just enjoyed having another sport lover in the family. Carlye plays every sport imaginable now and she is equally comfortable in friendships with boys and girls.

Now their older daughter who is now 16 is as feminine and 'girly' as you could ever want. She preferred hanging out in her room with girlfriends talking about boys and clothes. Both girls are beautiful and I watched Caryle over this past year slowly begin to pay more attention to her hair and begin to use a little make up.

I think that you can certainly take some time to do some fun stuff with your daughter. Invite her out for a 'girl's day' and take her to a beauty shop for some pampering, maybe get a manicure together. There is nothing overly 'girly' about that, men do it too, but it will give her a chance to enjoy doing something special for herself. Go to a coffee shop or take in a movie together and then hit the mall or the department store to do a little shopping. Let her style come through. Carlye still dresses with a definitely 'sporty' flavor and she is the last girl I expect to see wearing a dress, but she has suprised me a few times in that area.

I think that her femininity will being to show naturally if you don't push or make her feel too self aware about it.

Honestly, I would breath a sigh of relief if my teen daughter were not boy crazy!

Thanks for writing!

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