How to Keep the Romance Alive When You’re Struggling with Infertility

Infertility can take a real toll on your sex life and relationship if you let it. Struggling to have a baby when you want one can transform sex from a fun and pleasurable activity to just another chore. Add in the complicated emotions that infertility can cause for both partners, and it’s no wonder that many couples find their relationship affected by the struggle to conceive.

The good news is that you don’t have to let infertility destroy your sex life or impact your relationship. Keep your relationship strong, no matter what the outcome of your infertility treatments, by putting one another first. Don’t neglect the romance in your relationship. Keep having sex just for fun, respect your partner’s privacy and look for other ways to cultivate intimacy between you.

Put Your Relationship First

Whether or not your fertility treatments are successful, you and your partner still want to be happy in this relationship, right? That won’t happen if you don’t put the relationship first. Of course, becoming parents is important, too, but you should make nurturing your relationship the main priority throughout the course of your infertility treatments.

Continue looking for ways to nurture loving feelings between you and your partner. Try new things together. Attend a couples’ retreat. Set aside time to focus on physical intimacy free from the pressure of having sex — give each other massages, cuddle in front of a good movie or go for a long walk while holding hands.

Keep the Fun in Sex

Many couples who seek infertility treatment at Austin Fertiltiy and other infertility centers get so wrapped up in the baby-making aspect of sex that they forget how much fun it was before they decided to try for a baby. Even if you’ve been trying unsuccessfully to have a baby for years, you should still have sex just for fun. Make a clear distinction between sex that you’re having for procreative purposes and recreational lovemaking. Maybe you can reserve specific positions for procreative sex, or only have procreative sex when you’re fertile. Or, you could say that you’re going to have procreative sex in the bedroom, while recreational sex might take place throughout the house!

“That way, your whole sex life isn’t defined by the stress of infertility. When your treatment is done, sex will still have many positive associations for you and there will be many fewer awkward or negative associations with sex,” Laura Berman, PhD told Fox News.

Respect Your Partner’s Privacy

When you’re going through a major life struggle like infertility, it’s normal, natural and healthy to want to talk the matter over with your friends. But if you’re not careful, venting to your friends could lead you to divulge aspects of your sex life that your partner wants to keep private.

Talk to your partner before you talk to your friends or loved ones. Ascertain whether your partner is uncomfortable with the thought of others knowing the details of your sex life together. You should still be able to talk about your frustration, sadness, guilt or other feelings about infertility, without divulging private details that could embarrass your partner.

Create a Romantic Bedroom Ambiance

You should still make an effort to create a romantic atmosphere surrounding sex, even if your main goal is to try and conceive. Treating sex for procreative purposes as a chore that should be gotten out of the way quickly won’t make either of you eager to keep trying. Take the time to light candles, put on some romantic music, dim the lights, or whatever it is that puts you and your partner in romantic moods.

Even if you are scheduling sex for your most fertile days, try not to act like you’re on a schedule when the moment arrives. Put away the spreadsheets and ovulation tracking tools well in advance. Take any fertility tools you may be using right out of the bedroom, so that they’re not staring you in the face while you’re being intimate with your partner. Instead of letting yourself be preoccupied with conception, try to focus on enjoying the moment and giving and receiving pleasure. Keep communicating with your partner about your sexual needs and desires, and don’t skip the foreplay.

While infertility can have a profound effect on your sex life and relationship, it doesn’t have to be that way. Prioritize the quality of your relationship and don’t let sex become a chore. That way, you and your partner can continue to enjoy a healthy, happy relationship and a vibrant sex life during and after your fertility treatments.