As Thanksgiving approaches and we start making
holiday plans, here are some things to keep in
mind.
Perception: That it’s terrible to be alone for
the holidays.
Reality: This is mostly a projection of married
people who fear the unknown or could not tolerate
being alone before they were married. The reality
is that single people who observe what goes on at
holiday get-togethers between couples, 50% of whom
are destined to be divorced at some point, think
there are worse things than being single.
Perception: That single people are desperate to
be invited over for Thanksgiving dinner.
Reality: Single people have myriad options and no
one to consult. I can go on a cruise, stay home in
my bathrobe and declare it a non-holiday, do
meaningful volunteer work at the homeless shelter,
invite friends over, or get a dinner reservation at
a hotel. Or I can accept any one of the numerous
invitations I get. Contrary to what you might
think, we single people are popular at the
holidays. Most of us have accomplished social
skills and are welcome additions at holiday
gatherings
Perception: Single people don’t know what to do
for holidays.
Reality: We’re used to planning our social lives
actively, good at generating options, used to
making unilateral decisions, and accomplished
“mixers.” We’re pros!
Perception: Anyone who’s single is fair-game to
perform certain social tasks during the holiday
celebration.
Reality: We like to be cherished guests, just like
everyone else. “Can you come for Thanksgiving
dinner. I need some help with Aunt Edna?” is not an
invitation. If your family doesn’t get along and
you’re inviting the single person to “throw a steer
in with the bulls,” that’s not nice either. It’s
your problem; solve it yourself.
Perception: Single people are available to do
certain physical tasks.
Reality: This isn’t an invitation either: “Can you
come over early and help out in the kitchen. I’ve
got my hands full.” What about her husband? Her
sisters? As best-friend, yes; as the only
working-guest, absolutely not.
Perception: That the only "happy" way to spend
the holidays is if you are a couple or part of a
family.
Reality: If that were so, half the articles on the
Internet this time of year wouldn't be about how to
cope with family at the annual holiday
get-togethers.
Perception: That single people are miserable
during the holidays.
Reality: Yes, it can be difficult if it’s their
first Thanksgiving after a divorce or after a
spouse has died, but the majority of single people
are no more miserable than anyone else, and perhaps
less so. Since being single (with grown children),
I’ve had the same levels of pleasure, the same good
and better holidays, but there’s one thing for sure
– I’m more rested, and that in itself goes a long
way.
So if you’re thinking about including a single
person in your family gathering, make sure it’s
because you want them there, not to fulfill a
function or because you think they’d be miserable
if it weren’t for your invitation. A guest is a
guest, whether they’re single or married, and good
manners prevail.
Related Article:
Are You
Single with No Plans for Thanksgiving?
